Milestones, Goals, and Tracking Progress

All of my posts so far have been "big picture" topics, with a short update about something in my recovery related to that big picture.  Today, I really do want to focus more on my progress so far.

Tomorrow will be three weeks since surgery.  It feels like it has been an eternity, and it feels like I still have soooo far to go (mostly because I do).  But when I start to get discouraged I have to think about all the progress I've made.  From completely immobile, to on crutches, to using a cane, and now I'm walking with nothing but the brace I'll have for the next few months.

I'm taking great satisfaction in setting concrete goals, only to achieve them.  It's like mental preparation for when I return to jiu jitsu - or really for any other aspect of life.  It's been a while since I had a really big challenge I was forced into.  In some twisted way, this has been kind of exciting.  "How far can I progress in my recovery today?" has replaced drilling techniques or surviving a "heater-on-2-hours-of-nontstop-fighting" BJJ practice.  I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea though.  I'm very anxious to get back on the mats and I'm working very hard to do that sooner than later.

But this is why it is so important to set goals...REAL goals.  Not ambiguous, "I want to be better/richer/stronger/faster/smarter/more successful" goals.  Like winning a tournament, running a 7 minute mile, or squatting 250 pounds.  Like saving $20,000, winning a case, or getting a promotion.  And once you reach that goal, you can look back to it for motivation when things get hard later down the line.  You won't be as easily discouraged because you'll look back and say, "hey I've done this before.  I've done harder things before.  I can do this too!"

So what goals have I been setting?  I mentioned one above.  To get off of crutches, and to be walking unassisted.  I met that goal about a week ago. I probably jumped the gun a little bit, but I was doing it nonetheless.  I'm on the stationary bike regularly now, which was impossible for a very long time, at least not without an extreme amount of pain.

I still have a lot of other goals I'm working toward though.   Range of motion, strength, and balance are all still lacking on some level.  I want to run, squat, jump and do all sorts of other things.  I've progressed a lot in three weeks, but by week six I don't want to have simply doubled my progress.  I already know what I'm capable of doing in three weeks, so the idea is that you set your goal a little higher.  With a lot of positive affirmation and diligence, I'm pretty positive that I'll meet them, because look what I've already done!

I also had a goal to be rid of this guy by the end of the first month post-surgery.  It's been three weeks.  Getting stronger every day!!

Maybe I should have finished my Christmas shopping first!

"I just don't have the time!"

I would say most of us think we lead very busy lives.  I've been pretty busy since high school, and ever since then some combination of school and/or work has always occupied way way more than 40 hours of any week I've lived.  I think back on certain points in my life and wonder, "how'd I ever keep up with all that?"

But time is like money -  You never feel like you have enough.  I remember I had some extra credits so I took a semester off in college to work and save some  money.  Keep in mind, I was already working while in class.  I got accustomed to 40 hours a week, and when I went back to school, it was a real shock.  I felt like it was impossible to do everything, and couldn't understand what had happened: I had never had a problem keeping up before!  But after a few weeks I adjusted, and though I was definitely busy, it wasn't impossible...just busy.

So if you look at your life now, you probably feel like you are very busy.  Work, wives, girlfriends, kids, hobbies, friends, etc.  God forbid you have to try and fit in a trip to BB&B.

So the things that fall to the wayside are the things that are harder.  Like working out.  I have several people who I have spoken with who tell me they don't have time to work out.  Some are sort of healthy, some want or need to lose weight.  So I made a suggestion; offered a challenge, if you will (note: I did this with several people, and the outcome was always the same).  I ask if they've ever heard of a burpee.  If not, I explain it to them.  I say if they're pressed for time, do 15 burpees.  That will take even the most out-of-shape person probably about a minute at most.  Then, I tell them to add one burpee every day.  That's it.  Just one.  The idea is that within a month you will be doing almost 50 burpees a day.  Still not a marathon, but if you're familiar with burpees, you would understand that going from no exercise to 50 burpees a day may yield some noticeable health benefits.

Some people start them, and feel good about it.  It's not too bad, and it only takes a minute.  And they are surprised that after a week or two they are doing 30 burpees, which would have been impossible for them on day 1.  But inevitably, they all stopped.  More than one person told me: "man, I just don't have the time."

WHAT?!?  Remember that whole "takes less than a minute" part?  The real answer, and one person actually came clean with me, is that "I really just don't care enough about my health to want to stand up and work hard.  I really just don't care."

I had this experience when I first started physical therapy about three weeks ago.  They gave me exercises to do at home, 2-3 times every day.  The first night, I ran through them and it took me about an hour and a half.  I was very discouraged...how on earth was I going to find time to do all this?  I was still working, and working longer hours becaues I was moving very slowly, with the knee and all.  I told my mom it was impossible.  She just looked at me and told me, "but you know you have to do it."  Sure enough, every day since, I've been waking up early, staying up late...but I get at least 3 hours of PT in every day.

It's crazy what you can do when you're forced to.  No one is putting a gun to my head, but the fear of making a less than full recovery is something I can't live with, so the PT isn't an option.  I must find the time.  Right before I got injured, my instructor instituted a new policy: if we weren't going to class 5 days every week, we couldn't go to the "advanced" class any more.  Lots of people didn't even try, they just told him "sorry, I just don't have the time."  The real answer?  I hope I've already made that clear.

I really wanted to document this because one day I won't need that much PT every day.  I don't want to get accustomed to a schedule that is work and 2-3 days of jiu jitsu, or any workout for that matter.  I don't want to forget what it is like to truly be busy, or forget how much spare time is hidden beneath our laziness.  Next time someone suggests you do something that will benefit you, try to at least pause and think before you tell them "I don't have time."  If you're not going to do it, at least be honest about the reason.

Wiggle Your Big Toe

A hilarious picture of me in a post-surgical opiate coma

When we're young, most adults make sure to tell us that we can achieve, accomplish, and be anything we want, as long as we put our minds to it.  Somewhere between kindergarten and graduating high school, however, most of us seem to lose sight of that.  We give up on our dreams and goals because they are "unrealistic," or because we lack some trait or advantage in life, despite the fact that thousands have already achieved the same exact goal we are abandoning.

Without going into too much detail on what Lloyd Irvin would call "the spooky stuff," it will suffice to say that even as adults, we can do anything we put our minds to.  But we usually face two big obstacles on the road to our goals: ourselves, and everyone else.

Obstacle #1

I mentioned last time the concept of positive affirmation - or, more simply, actively believing in yourself.  When dealing with ourselves, the first problem is usually inaction.  We like to wait for the "right time," or until we are "more prepared" because we think we aren't good enough right now.  But before we reach the right level of preparation, we abandon the goal.  We get sidetracked, deciding it isn't worth the time and effort, or that we aren't capable.

But even if you force yourself to make a plan and take the first steps toward a goal, you have to sincerely believe that you will accomplish it.   If I decided to walk 10,000 miles, I would have to take the first step at some point.  The "inaction" component is that most people will not decide when or where to take the frist step.  But even after I map it out and start walking, I have to know that I will make it, as long as I have food, water, and time (hopefully, this was accounted for in the plan!).  As goofy as it sounds, simply reminding yourself that the goal is attainable and that you will attain it will keep you from giving up and lead you to success.  That's the positive affirmation aspect.  The mind, visualization, belief...it's all very powerful stuff!

Obstacle #2

But once we get a handle on ourselves, we come to the next obstacle: everyone else.  Most people are stuck in their own mediocrity and can't even believe in themselves, let alone truly believe in any one else.  So you get the nay-sayers, the doubters, and the negative influences.  People who scoff at your goals and suggest you can't do it.  There's a million ways to deal with these people, but all I will say is that you can't have the negativity surrounding you if you want to succeed.

So what does all this have to do with my recovery?  Well, I had my surgery on Tuesday, and was back in physical therapy yesterday.  I've already shared a little bit about how hard it's been for me to stay positive and move toward my ultimate recovery goals, i.e., overcoming obstacle #1.  Today, in physical therapy, I swear to you it was like a scene from Kill Bill trying to get certain parts of my leg working right:

There you go.  Positive affirmation at its finest.  Someone who knows what they have to do, so they decide they are going to do it, then they do it.

So, despite the struggles, I'm doing good.  I've got a plan and I'm keeping my spirits high.  But here comes "everyone else," telling me when I can do this, when I I'll be able to do that, how it will be forever until I can do this again, or won't ever be able to do that again.  If only these people knew that I can do whatever I want if I really put my mind to it...but that's the beauty of positive affirmation.  You don't really need anyone else to believe in you.  I already know what's going to happen and I'm just excited to watch it unfold!

Nothing's Ever As Good As It Seems...

...or as bas as it seems.  Several of my coaches have adopted this way of thinking.  I've found that it really forces you to look at a situation objectively.  People love to celebrate when something good happens, and wallow in their own misery when life takes a turn for the worse.

Anyone who's ever said "this couldn't get any worse" knows that it can always get worse.   I'm not trying to rain on anyone's optimism.  In fact, positive affirmation and simply "believing" in yourself and your goals is extremely important to achieving them.  But sometimes it's important to stay humble and not over-state the positives in our situation.  Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that nothing  is ever as good as it seems, so that we can stay focused and make the next goal a realistic one.  Otherwise, it's easy to get caught up in the moment and fail to see things for what they really are.

One reason I love my gym is that so many people do this so well, at least outwardly.  People come back from winning major tournaments, double golds, stellar performances - but unless that "win" was a world championship, there isn't a lot of celebration.  It's "well done," "thanks," and back to work.  Despite finishing all 9 matches by submission in a single tournament, as good as that seems, they know that they could go out first round next time if they don't keep it up.  Their opponent that lost, who will be at that next tournament, isn't taking a week off from training to celebrate.

Right after my injury, I had to fight hard to convince myself that it wasn't as bad as it seemed.  You have four ligaments in your knee joint -  I tore three, one completely.  How could it be any worse?  Well, one example, my knee cap could have cut through an artery sending me to the ER that day.  I could have damaged nerves.  I could have torn, fractured, or otherwise injured a dozen other things in my leg.  It really wasn't as bad as it seemed.

Look at all that important stuff that didn't get hurt!

     


But now I'm faced with the flipside, trying to remember that it isn't as good as it seems.  During my pre-op visit with my surgeon, I got some pretty good news.  It is likely only one ligament will need surgery.  I will likely be allowed to start physical therapy again very quickly.  I could be back to jiu jitsu....well, see.  Getting caught up.  Going kimura-trap-to-head-scissor before I can even jog.  Time to reel it in.  My ACL is still getting operated on, the rest of my knee still isn't fully healed, and I've got a ways to go.  Not being pessimistic, just trying to make sure my next goal is a realistic one.

Surgery tomorrow, wish me luck!

The Start of Something Epic

I must say, I'm not the "most" dedicated jiu jitsu student.  I have a career, a family, and other interests.  But it's my "thing."  It is what I do when I have a free night.  It's my exercise.  It's my sport.  It's where I set goals with like minded people and try to push myself.  I've had a hiatus here and there, but I always come back.

  

I've been doing jiu jitsu for over two years.  It's something I've gradually implemented into my life.  I started off with one or two days a week, and progressed to a point where I was doing stretches of 4-5 days a week, going to multiple classes on some days.  I'm sure my coaches wish I was more consistent, and I'm working on it, but at the end of the day I have higher priorities and jiu jitsu is what I do for fun.

Unfortunately, on October 20, 2012, in my first round of the IBJJF Miami Open, a sloppy guard pull versus my poor stance (mixed with a little bit of horrible timing) resulted in my knee bending really far in a direction it was not supposed to.  It dislocated and tore three ligaments - one completely.

It's been pretty depressing. I had just gotten myself back into a groove and was really looking forward to the competition.  Now I'm sidelined with an injury that takes months to heal - sometimes up to a year.  I was lucky in the sense that most parts of the knee that get damaged and lead to long term injuries - nerves, meniscus, cartilage - went relatively unharmed.  But that doesn't change the severity of my injury.

   

So a month after my injury, just days before my surgery is scheduled to take place, and after two weeks of pre-surgery physical therapy, I decided to start a blog about this journey - for a number of reasons, which I will share as the blog evolves.  For now, just understand that I hope it will help to keep me focused.

One last thing.  So many people have asked "so, you're not going to compete any more, right?" or "what are you going to do instead of jiu jitsu once you heal?"  In case you were wondering, I'm already planning my come-back video, background music suggestions are welcome.